In the eyes of a horse
October was a real and raw month for me. So much so, that I'm still processing it as I wrap up the editing. I traveled and photographed across Idaho, Oregon, Washington, Utah, Wyoming, Montana, and back into Florida. I traveled over 20,000 miles with a ball gown in a pink suitcase and multiple sets of leather chaps and chinks slung over my shoulder.
I slept on airport floors, used those chinks as blankets on cold cross-country flights, drank a lot of gas station coffee, and emerged into new destinations that I never thought I would ever visit- much less photograph. I watched a bull elk bugle during a fogged sunrise in Yellowstone National Park. I ate fish and chips, clams, and the most delicious chowders along the cliffed coastline of Oregon while sea lions roared on docks beside me.
I took a hot coffee down into the tide pools as I hunted for anemones and interesting sea life. I watched Old Faithful erupt for the first time in my life, grizzly bears as they foraged, even wound my way through the art galleries of Jackson Hole. I sat in the Million Dollar Cowboy Bar and had a drink with a good friend.
A customer put me on a horse and took me on a cattle drive through the Strawberry Pinnacles of Utah. I survived for multiple days at one point on slim jims, water, and no cell reception. The truth is that I'm a minimalist when I travel. I'll shower in a truck stop 45 minutes after your session and drive seven hours to the next one.
As I stood here in this moment at the base of these mountains in the Paradise Valley of Montana, I was feeling very overwhelmed with life and some of the more negative feelings that come with the road rambling. I felt homeless traveling like this for this long, and more homeless when I got home. I was facing the feeling of being alone on an entirely new level, not feeling like I belonged in a particular place- all topped by the intimidation cherry regarding the goals I had set for myself.
I stood there as my life and a herd of a hundred horses were running past me. One horse out of a hundred stopped, stepped my direction, and really looked at me. When I look at this photo, it makes me emotional because sometimes on this path all I ever really needed was for one person to stop and see me. The real me and what I was going through. But when I look at him, I will also always remember the month of October.
How I lived a hundred lifetimes in thirty one days. How I discovered that I belong everywhere, in as many places as I can see in a lifespan. I will never be a normal horse photographer or person. I will always feel lonely in a crowd of people and at home in a mountainous valley in the eyes of a horse.
November 17th, 2024
